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Posted by admin on Sep 24, 2017

MashableThanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best. Look, we all have our vices. The U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price's vice just happens to be spending at least $300,000 of taxpayer money on private jets. Oops! Unfortunately, if you're going to be upset about the reported 24 private flights Price (who once railed against such expenses) has taken since May, you're overlooking a TON of other things he's wasting even more taxpayer money on. SEE ALSO: I have drawn the Trump administration as Sonic the Hedgehog and I am ready to answer for it We've compiled a list of Price's extravagant uses of government money below. Get it together, Tom! 1. $60,000: Chartered an "Empty Amtrak train — HAS TO BE EMPTY" to Philadelphia to get a sandwich from his favorite Subway restaurant. The Subway was closed, so he took ANOTHER empty train across the country as an act of mourning — an additional $120,000! Tom, wtf? 2. $35,000: Used government funds to hire a "Mail condor" to deliver funny printouts of memes to his friend from college, Lance, who lives in LA. Price hired an additional 10 condors from other trainers "lest this one be intercepted by the enemy." Tom, what enemy? 3. $400,000: Raced two endangered white-headed langur monkeys across the world in hot air balloons for "research." Secretary Price paid private individuals an additional $50,000 to cover up the story after both balloons went missing. Good lord, Secretary Price. This looks bad! 4. $90 million: Bought a retired Disney Cruise Liner to blow up for his son's birthday. To be fair, the theme was "explosion on the high seas" and everyone loved it. 5. $65 million: Hired a dozen F/A-18 Hornets to "buzz" his neighbor's house for a weekend after the neighbor's dog defecated on Mr. Price's sidewalk. Secretary Price's office explained the event to reporters as "an American tradition." 6. $400 million: Built a big bank tube that weaves through highways and forests between his Georgia home and D.C. office "in case he forgets anything." Is this the cheapest way to do this??

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